hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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