I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
there was a trapeze. enough said
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
