A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize