you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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