If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Randomize
