carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
