remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Randomize
