Cold hands, warm shart.
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
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