we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
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