There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
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we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
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im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
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