I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
