oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Randomize
