Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
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