My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
