Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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