he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
