we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
