There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
