I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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