He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
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