Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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