there's paper in my vomit.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize