She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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