Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
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