I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
this hospital has no fireball
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
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