We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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