eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
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