All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I just found puke in my bra..
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
