Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
