your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
