OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Guys are so much hotter at OU. Come my mating season, I am flying south like the geese in the wintertime.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
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