Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Randomize
