**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize