Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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