We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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