I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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