My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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