U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
