listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
