Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
