I will die if light touches me.
I'm eating all of the evidence.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
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