Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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