I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
