A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
cat food counts as protein by the way
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
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