Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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