Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
