cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
