someone threw a dead crab at me
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
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