john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
