You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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