Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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