The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize