i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
