I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
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he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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