It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
