so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
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