Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
