I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
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