so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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