sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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